


All Good Things (End and Begin)

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Athlete Jensen, Bottom Jared, Drinking, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Punk Jared, Slow Burn, Smut, Top Jensen, Unrequited Love, Virgin Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 00:01:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11566131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jensen was the type of guy that people wrote poetry about. He was the hero of epic novels and dime store romances, the savior of The Final Girl™ in horror films, the star of every teen romance movie released in the past twenty years. At least, that was how Jared saw him. And Jared? Jared was Jensen’s best friend. And nothing more.





	1. Freshman Year: Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Written mostly from Jared's POV - follows through his life from Freshman Year of high school into adulthood. Mind the chapter titles for time jumps! Enjoy!

"Jay," Jensen called. Jared looked up quickly, squinting behind his sunglasses.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning nearly two weeks after the school year had begun. Jared was enjoying the weather, stretched out on a blanket in his back yard, reading a book he’d been assigned for English.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. It had also been nearly two weeks since his best friend had spoken to him.

Jensen looked as radiant as ever. His long shorts did nothing to hide the bow of his toned legs, a white tank top accentuating the muscles beginning to form in Jensen's chest and along his biceps.

"A guy can't see his buddy on a weekend?"

"Are we buddies anymore?" Jared asked simply, sitting up and closing his book. He reached for his water bottle, still eyeing Jensen. Hurt or not - Jensen would always his perfect fantasy.

"What? Of course we are." He loped toward Jared, flopping onto the grass next to him. "Sorry I've been gone so much, man. I didn't mean to. Just with practice and--"

"And all your popular friends," Jared admitted. He hated how petulant he sounded. Maybe Jensen wouldn't pick up on it. No such luck. They'd known each other too long for that to go unnoticed.

"Are you jealous?"

"No."

"Jared." Jensen sat up and reached out. Jared squeezed his eyes shut when Jensen's fingers brushed over his arm. Even the simple, friendly touch sent tingles of pleasure all through his body, tying his stomach into a million more knots than it had been in before.

"Jensen," Jared said simply, keeping his head down.

"You don't need to be jealous. You know you're my best friend."

"What about Lucas?" Jared muttered. He hadn't meant to say it out loud. Lucas was the shortstop for their school's team. Blonde and tall and absolutely breathtaking. The rumor around the school was that he and Jensen had hooked up. It wouldn’t have been surprising, Lucas was one of the boys that Jensen had talked about a lot before Jared entered high school.

"Lucas, what about him?" Jensen asked. Jared could hear the carefully measured tone in his voice - he was going to try and hide something.

"Aren't you and him--"

"What? Dating?" Jared shrugged. He glanced at Jensen out of the corner of his eye, trying to gauge his reaction. Jensen sighed, scowling.

"Jared-- You knew I was into guys."

"Yeah, I know."

"Why do you have a problem with it suddenly?"

Jared's head snapped up, his eyes bulging. "What? No-- Jensen, I don't have a problem with you dating a guy. I-- I meant he's kinda your best friend if you two are dating, isn't he?"

Jensen threw his head back and laughed. Jared jumped, not expecting that response. He let his eyes drag up the curve of Jensen's throat, his Adam's apple bobbing. Sweat was dripping slowly down his neck to his shoulders, dampening the neck of his shirt.

"Jared," Jensen finally said when he could speak, "me and Lucas sort of hooked up last weekend for the first time ever. But I'm not dating him. I'd never date him. He's... Kinda gross."

Jared couldn't hide his grin. "Gross how?" He asked, hoping he could hide behind the guise of friendly curiosity.

"Well, okay, so do you mind T-M-I?"

"You literally helped me vomit the first night I got drunk. I don't think T-M-I is really a thing between us anymore."

Jensen chuckled and nodded. He turned so he was facing Jared a little more fully, grabbing the waterbottle and taking a long swig.

"So we're at this party. There's no booze or anything, everything is really low key and it's kinda nice. Me and Luke start talking and I find out he's into me. So we go to the back bedroom. We start making out and I get his pants off and I swear to you. He has _never_ washed his dick."

Jared's nose wrinkled, an involuntary sound of disgust spilling from his lips before he realized it. Jensen laughed.

"Not kidding. The dude's uncut and he had the worst dick cheese I've ever seen. And it was like he didn't even notice how bad he smelled."

"Please tell me you didn't-- you know?"

"Suck him? Fuck no. I backed out by pretending I was sick. I mean-- I guess we didn't even really _hook up_ in the traditional sense - we just made out for a while."

"Not gonna see him again?" Jared asked, trying to sound casual.

"God no. I don't even wanna shower with him, I might catch something." Jared laughed a little, nodding.

"I'm sorry I made you worried-- that I was ditching you for them."

Jared shook his head. "No, I mean-- I would've understood. They're awesome and popular and so are you, and I'm--"

"My best friend," Jensen finished. Jared looked over. He'd never been so glad for dark sunglasses as he was in that moment, so Jensen couldn't see the pain in his eyes at those simple words.

 

Jensen Ackles was the type of guy that people wrote poetry about. He was the hero of epic novels and dime store romances, the savior of The Final Girl™ in horror films, the star of every teen romance movie released in the past twenty years.

At least, that was how Jared Padalecki saw him. And Jared? Jared was Jensen’s best friend. And _nothing_ more.

Jared knew he was in love with Jensen from the moment they first met. Jared was ten years old when the Ackles family moved in across the street from his family. Jensen was twelve and the most handsome boy that Jared had ever seen in his life. 

They hit it off right away. Jared had never really fit in with his peers in their small town and Jensen, though immediately a favorite of all the parents and children, seemed to attach himself to Jared. Throughout school they clung to one another, staying fast friends even though they both developed vastly different interests.

 

Once they were both in high school, Jared was sure Jensen was going to finally ditch him for good. Jensen had made the cross-country team Freshman year, and was looking at Varsity placement now in his Junior year, when they were finally in the same school together. It didn't shock Jared one bit; Jensen was the most athletic boy that he had ever seen. He played soccer during the summer, and was on the baseball team during the spring.

Jared was everything but athletic. Sure, he was a big guy, but he preferred books to balls and drama of the theatre to the drama who's dating who. Jared kept his head down. His clothes were too dark, music too loud, personality just a little too eccentric.

He knew if Jensen was going to ditch him there was nothing he could do about it. Now that they were both in the same school, Jensen would be called out by his cool friends for hanging out with the weird kid. He couldn’t use the excuse of just being nice to the lonely neighbor boy anymore.

 

But as the two laid out on Jared’s blanket in his back yard, sharing a bottle of water and watching the clouds, he knew that wasn’t the case. Jared would have Jensen as his best friend for a while longer at least… Even if Jared wanted more.


	2. Freshman Year: Summer

"So, I'm thinking of dying my hair," Jared said casually. He was stretched out on Jensen's bed crossways, his feet up on the wall and his head hanging off the side of it.

"What color?" Jensen asked. He was sitting next to Jared on the floor. Jared didn't dare look over. Jensen's mouth was _right there_ and dammit was it taunting.

"Neon pink and blue."

"Your parents are gonna kill you if you do."

Jared shook his head. "Nah, my mom already said she'd be okay with it as long as I did it over the summer and changed it back to its normal color once school began again."

"When are you gonna do it?"

"Tonight, if my best friend in the whole wide world will help me?" Jared said, sitting up a little and offering Jensen his cheesiest grin. Jensen laughed hard and nodded.

"Sure, man. I've helped my sister dye her hair. Do you have the stuff?"

"At my place."

Jensen nodded, hoisting himself to his feet. "Lemme tell my mom we're gonna go to your place."

Jared followed Jensen out of the room, staying a few feet behind him as he walked down the stairs.

 

Jared had hoped his crush on Jensen would fade during their first year in high school together. But it only seemed to get stronger every time they were together. Jensen was perfect. Jared knew he didn't have a shot in hell -- Even if they were best friends, Jensen was out of his league. That knowledge only made it sting that much more when Jensen talked about someone cute at school or plans to ask someone out to the movies. Jared wanted so badly for it to be _him_.

But telling Jensen his secret meant risking the friendship, and Jared wasn't sure he wanted that either. So he bit back the pain and smiled, encouraging Jensen after the guys he was interested in-- And secretly celebrating when every one of them seemed to fail after only a few weeks. It was mean, hoping your best friend would fail at his relationships, but it felt nice; not having to share Jensen with anyone for more than a few hours of practice or for a game.

***

"You're one hundred percent sure you want to do this?" Jensen asked, holding the bottle of bleaching solution. Jared bit his lip, looking at his shaggy hair in the mirror. He ran his fingers through it, the dull brown locks falling over his face. He looked back at Jensen.

"What do you think?"

"Honestly?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded.

"You're such a weird guy."

Jared's smile began to fade, but Jensen continued,

"and that weirdness makes you super unique. But you're also a quiet guy so a lot of the people that would think you were cool for being so weird don't get to. I think dying your hair is kinda a way to show the unique on the inside _and_ on the outside, if that makes sense?"

Jared hung his head a little, willing his cheeks to stop burning. "So that's a yes."

"It's a yes."

He looked back up, smiling at Jensen through the mirror. Sitting back down he tugged his shirt off and tossed it safely out of the way of the area they'd be working in.

"Do it."

***

Jensen slapped the timer when it began to ring. "Alright, let's go wash and then we can add the blue in," he said.

Jared rose, tossing his comic book on the bed. "How's it look?" He wondered as they walked to his bathroom.

"Well right now it looks like your head is gushing blood. But whatever we decide to do - you _gotta_ lose that blonde man-- You look so bad." Jared laughed with Jensen, shoving him a little.

When they reached the bathroom he glanced at the sink.

"Don't even-- that was a mess before - I almost got bleach in my eye," Jensen warned.

"I could just do it in the shower?" Jared offered.

"Alright, come on." Jensen tugged his shirt off. Jared's eyes bulged.

"Dude-- You don't need to join me."

"I promised I'd help you dye your hair. Plus, it's easier if someone else can help you get the dye out of the part you can't see. Come on, I told you I help my sister with this all the time."

"You don't get naked in the shower with her," Jared argued.

"Well, no. She's short enough that we can do it in the sink. Come on, we're both guys. We've been friends for years. You're really gonna wimp out on me now?"

Jared hung his head a little, staring at the floor between them. Taking a deep breath, he wiggled out of his jeans and turned on the shower.

They climbed in together, politely avoiding looking down as they did. Jensen squawked a little when the water hit him, steaming hot. "Jesus dude, I'd like to keep my skin."

"Sorry, I like it hot," Jared mumbled.

"Yeah, we're not lobsters. Get under the water." Jensen grabbed Jared's shoulders and shoved him under the now more tolerable spray of the water.

Jared gasped when Jensen wiggled next to him. His home's shower wasn't made for two people, and certainly not for two teenage boys nearing six feet tall. He could feel the heat radiating off Jensen's body when Jensen stood next to him, his chest brushing over Jared's bicep.

"Lean your head back for me," Jensen commanded, curling his fingers around Jared's chin to make him tilt his head back. Jared's heart rate increased tenfold. He struggled to keep his breathing steady and slow as he tilted his head back. Jensen slipped a little more behind him, running his fingers through Jared's dye covered hair to work the goo out.

Jared realized that this could have been the worst idea he ever agreed to while Jensen massaged his scalp. He could feel his cock thickening up, the fingers in his hair and Jensen's breath - hotter than any steamy shower - brushed across his face and neck.

All too soon, Jensen smacked the water off.

"You're good, let's get your hair dry so we can put the blue in."

"Jensen, I--"

Jensen threw open the shower curtain before turning back to Jared. "What?"

"Uh-- I kinda have a problem."

Jensen's eyebrows shot up. Jared glanced down, trying to cover as much of his erection with his hands as he could. Jensen's eyes narrowed. He looked down to where Jared was looking and laughed.

"Oh, shit-- Sensitive scalp?" He wondered.

"Yeah, little bit," Jared mumbled, hanging his head, "sorry if I-- I didn't want you to--"

"Dude, don't even worry about it, here." Jensen passed over a towel. "Happens to all of us."

"I seriously doubt that," Jared argued, tying the towel around his waist.

Jensen shrugged. "Well it's happened to me a few times, so I'm not gonna judge you. Come on, let's get you dried off."

“How’s it look?” Jared asked again when Jensen attacked his head with a towel.

“It looks bright ass pink, man. It’s gonna look good once we get the blue in, I can already tell.”

“Oh yeah?” Jensen let up on his head and pulled on his boxers.

“We’ll use the blow dryer next. You take forever to dry off.”

“It’s just thick,” Jared defended, pulling on his own boxers. He dragged his jeans on after a moment, still embarrassed about getting hard with Jensen in the shower. His friend took it in stride—But he’d almost wished he hadn’t. Something to open a discussion, let Jensen know how much Jared actually liked him.

But Jensen seemed to already have forgotten about it as he shoved Jared into the chair, using a comb and blow dryer to get the rest of his hair dry.

“You gonna become a beautician?” Jared teased.

“You know, my mom said I should. I cut her hair, you know.”

“You do?” Jared glanced back. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. I mean nothing fancy, just a trim, but Dad’s back hurts too much to bend over for that long and you know how long her hair is. So I usually end up trimming the back and styling her bangs.”

“Why don’t you?”

“I don’t know. I’ve still got a little time to think about what I wanna do, right? I mean, I got a whole ‘nother year.”

“Man… You’re gonna be going off to college in a year,” Jared said. His voice was tinged with sadness, the realization hitting him harder than expected.

“Yeah, but I’m probably gonna stay close.”

“Why?” Jensen shrugged, running his fingers through Jared’s hair to make sure it was totally dry.

“Family. Plus I like this place. I have friends here and not all of them are going to college. Alright, ready for the blue?”

Jared nodded, passing Jensen the box.

 

They sat in Jared’s room again while they waited for the second color to set. “Hey, Jensen?”

Jensen glanced up from the comic book he was buried in.

“Would you cut my hair?”

“What?” Jensen sputtered.

“Nothing major, just like… I don’t know… Something that’ll look good with the new color?”

“Dude, in the almost five years I’ve known you I don’t think I’ve seen you let _anyone_ touch your hair.”

Jared shrugged. “Exactly. You’ve known me five years almost. I trust you.”

“You don’t even let your _Mom_ cut your hair.”

“Did you see my brother’s haircut for the summer? There’s a reason for that.”

Jensen chewed his lip, looking hard at Jared. “Well, do you guys have clippers?”

Jared nodded.

“After we finish your hair, we’ll ask your Mom. I wanna get her permission for it. I mean—it’s summer and all and you’re a teenager but she could still kick my ass.”

Jared laughed a little and nodded. “Deal.”

***

Jensen kept Jared away from the mirror even after his hair was finished. He promised to let Jared look once he was done cutting it – he wanted it to be a surprise.

The room was silent save for the clippers, and eventually scissors. Jensen circled around Jared, twisting his hair and his head. Jared couldn’t help but smile a little; Jensen looked so determined. It was breathtaking. He was nervous – he did trust Jensen but his hair was his pride. Despite the nerves, he knew he wanted to show Jensen just how much he meant to him. Letting him cut his hair felt like an excellent way to start.

 

Finally, after one final snip of the scissors, Jensen grinned. “I’m done.”

“How’s it look?” Jared asked.

“Don’t sound so scared… I think it kinda looks cool,” Jensen said. “Come on, come take a peek.”

Jared rose and Jensen covered his eyes. He laughed, letting Jensen lead him to the mirror before he took his hands away with a flourish.

“Ta-da!”

Jared gasped. They’d dyed it so it was half pink and half blue, split down the middle by the natural part of his hair. His hair was still long in the blue area, but Jensen had made a new part halfway through the pink, flipping it over and trimming it so the blue showed through and blended with the pink. He’d shaved the underside of the pink up to the part, and when Jared turned his head he saw that Jensen had also shaved a bit of the blue up from his ears, giving him sort of an uneven Mohawk. He’d taken a part of both colors and cut them with a razorblade so they fell unevenly down the side of Jared’s face, making bangs.

“Do you like it?” Jensen asked, nerves showing in his own voice when Jared didn’t speak.

He turned around and wrapped Jensen into a tight hug.

“It’s perfect. Thank you,” he whispered.

Jensen smiled against his shoulder.

“My pleasure, buddy. Glad you like it,” he said, clapping Jared on the back.

Jared laughed. “Oh I love it. My dad is going to _freak_ ,” he said as they separated.

Jensen’s eyes bulged, panic crossing his features. “But your Mom said—“

Jared splayed his hands on Jensen’s chest, laughing again. “Don’t worry, don’t worry—Mom has the final say on this stuff, you’re safe.”

Jensen relaxed visibly and nodded. Jared smiled softly, his eyes roaming Jensen’s face. He’d almost memorized those freckles, the curve of Jensen’s mouth, but looking never got old. He could feel Jensen’s heart thudding under his palm, slow and steady. It was so much different than his own heart, which went a mile a minute whenever he looked at his best friend.

Jensen smiled then. “What? You’re looking at me like I got six heads.”

Jared shook his head, reluctantly lowering his hands and looking back into the mirror. “Nah, just really glad I have such a talented friend,” he said, admiring his new haircut—and the beautiful boy that gave it to him.


	3. Sophomore Year: Spring

Jared flopped over onto his stomach, burying his head deeper under his pillow. Most of the time, living within a few blocks of their high school was great. A short walk, could go home for lunch, didn’t have to worry about driving anywhere. But tonight? It was a curse. Tonight was the Senior Prom, he could hear the laughter and music filtering through his window. And Jensen was a Senior.

Tonight Jensen was at the Prom – that Jared, of course, hadn’t been invited to as a pathetic Sophomore – on a date with Shaun Hansen, the head cheerleader that Jensen had been gushing over for nearly the entire school year. Jared thought if he heard the name Shaun in relation to the adjectives perfect or sexy one more time, he may scratch his eardrums open.

Of course, he thought he may just scratch his eardrums completely out if he had to hear one more delighted squeal that reminded him just how much fun Jensen was having without him.

“Jared!”

Jared yanked his head out from under the pillow at his father’s voice. “What?”

"Jensen's here to see you!"

Jared scowled. He scrambled off his bed and down the stairs, stopping short when he reached the front door. Jensen was there alright, standing under the porch light in his deep blue tux, a dark green flower pinned to his chest, and looking about ready to burst into tears. "Hey buddy."

"Jensen--"

"Can we go to your room?" He asked softly. Jared looked back at his dad, who nodded, looking just as concerned at Jensen's expression.

They climbed the stairs quickly and Jared shut the door, leaning on it. "Aren't you supposed to be with Shaun?" Jared asked softly.

Jensen's chin quivered. He hung his head and shook it. "He ditched me."

"What? Why?" Jared asked. Fury rose in the pit of his stomach.

"You'll laugh."

"You know I won't laugh at you, Jen. Unless you fall down the stairs or something. Why did he ditch you?" Jensen snorted.

"I wouldn't put out for him," he whispered. He collapsed onto the bed, burying his face in his hands.

Jared sat next to him, unsure what to do. Finally, he reached out and touched Jensen's knee. "Hey, you mean he-- You two haven't--"

"What? No. Fuck, I--" Jensen shrugged. "I'm a virgin," he admitted. His voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke, but may as well have been a scream with the way Jared heard it.

When he didn't answer right away, Jensen looked over and snorted. "Go ahead and laugh. I know. It's funny."

"No. I mean-- I-- I didn't think you were, but, there's nothing wrong with it, Jensen," Jared said. "I mean, I'm still a virgin. Obviously you knew that," he chuckled, "I can't get a date to save my life, but... You know."

Jared shook his head. "So he really ditched you just because you wouldn't have sex with him?" Jensen nodded.

"Yeah he uh... Said the only reason he'd been dating me these past few weeks is so that I'd be comfortable enough giving it up to him on Prom night. When I said no, I didn't wanna do that he uh-- Took off with some of his buddies."

"That's -- I'm so sorry, Jensen. I know how much you like him," Jared said softly. He couldn't even muster the strength to be even a little glad this relationship failed. As much as it hurt to see Jensen with other guys - it hurt more to see him hurting like this.

"No, I mean-- I did. But I'm glad I learned he was a dickbag before we really got serious. I'm just... A little down about this going down on my Prom."

Jared bit his lip. He slapped Jensen's knee. "So go still. Go stag. You know plenty of guys - and girls - would die for a dance with you."

"I can't go stag to Senior Prom, Jared," Jensen snorted.

"Plenty of people do," Jared argued.

"Yeah, but I didn't want to."

"Well-- I could go with you?" Jared offered. Jensen's head snapped up. Jared shrugged, raising his hands. "Just as like, friends. Wouldn't quite be a date, but it wouldn't be stag. And I wouldn't ask you to have sex with me afterward."

Jensen laughed despite his sad expression. "You don't have a tux, Jay."

"On the contrary." Jared hopped up and turned on his light, digging in his closet before pulling out a dry cleaner's bag. Inside was a pressed black tux.

Jensen's eyebrows shot up. "You have a random tux in your closet? Why?"

"Well... Part of me had kinda hoped someone would ask me to Prom, so I just had it cleaned. But I've owned it for about a year - remember my aunt's wedding I had to go to? I got a plain black tux so I could use it more than once."

Jensen grinned. "That's why you're my best friend and not one of the guys I play sports with."

"Why?" Jared asked, his face drooping a little.

"Because you're smart. You think ahead, you plan... And I'd love to take you as my Prom date... Can you be ready in fifteen minutes while I go talk to your Dad? I think I kinda freaked him out."

"Yeah, of course," Jared said. He watched Jensen walk out, maintaining a soft smile until the door shut.

When it shut completely, however and Jared heard Jensen descent the stairs, he whooped out loud, bouncing with excitement. He was going to Prom with _Jensen_. Sure, it was just a "friend" date -- but he was still going to a Prom with the man of his dreams.

Once he was sure he could breathe, he began to strip down, pulling on a clean undershirt and the tux before fixing his hair. He'd won the argument against his parents this year, and they'd allowed him to keep the pink and blue, as well as the style that Jensen had cut it into. He loved it, despite it making him that much more of an outcast. Knowing that Jensen gave him the cut -- that made it so much more special.

***

The smile on Jensen’s face almost made Jared forget about their date being just friendly. He was all teeth, his long, lean body swaying to the music without a care in the world. Jared was dancing too close, but Jensen didn’t seem to mind. His hands were lower than they should be, nestled into the small of Jared’s back as their hips bumped and brushed, the bass vibrating from the soles of their shoes all the way up to their eyes.

“Glad you went after all?” Jared asked, his lips nearly brushing Jensen’s ear.

Jensen pulled back and nodded. “Thank you,” he mouthed.

The song ended, leaving the auditorium silence for a moment. When the next one began, Jensen rubbed the back of his neck. “We can sit this one out,” he offered.

“Why? Afraid I’ll step on your feet? Come on, Romeo,” Jared said, offering his hands to Jensen.

“It’s a slow dance, man. Isn’t that weird?”

“It’s your Senior Prom, Jen. I’m willing to accept a little weird to make sure you experience everything you want to. Plus… Shaun’s over there and he is _glaring_ this way. I don’t think he knows we’re just friends.”

Jensen glanced back and smirked a little. He grabbed Jared’s hand and pulled him close, curling his arm around Jared’s back. They began to sway, moving together. Jared smiled a little, letting his head rest on Jensen’s shoulder.

“He doesn’t know we’re just friends—I talk about you a lot,” Jensen said against Jared’s ear. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought we had something going on.”

Jared turned his head, their mouths nearly brushing. He smiled a little. “Well, we better make this look good then. Show him what he missed out on.”

Jensen smiled again, a softer smile – the smile Jared loved seeing. “Thank you, I mean it. You’re the best friend I could ask for.”

Jared grinned and put his head back on Jensen’s shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut. He felt the all too familiar burn of tears in the back of his throat, Jensen’s words echoing in his head: _best friend_. _Friend_. If only Jensen knew how badly Jared wanted more.

Jared squeezed himself a little tighter to Jensen, deciding that, just tonight, he’d let himself pretend.


	4. Freshman Year: College

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first major time jump - it goes from high school to college.

The final two years of high school passed dreadfully slow for Jared. Without Jensen around, he really had no friends. Sure, he had a couple of theatre kids to talk to, but they didn't really fill that void his best friend had left.

Jensen was true to his word, he was attending the university only one town over, so he was home almost every weekend to hang out with Jared. Why - Jared had no idea. He was just a lame high school kid, Jensen was in _college_ now. But he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if it was only a few days out of the week, he was going to enjoy their time together.

***

Jared knew he was in for a fight with his parents when he told them he wanted to major in theatre or music. He knew that they could be right - it was hard to find a good paying job with that degree - but it was his real passion. And with his personality and resistance to outgrow his brightly colored hair, he knew he'd have a hard time finding a 'traditional' job anyway. So despite them hating it, Jared applied to the same university Jensen was in, for a vastly different major. He got in, and was well into his first year for a theatre degree.

He and Jensen remained fast friends, despite Jensen's new college buddies who were more than confused at the strange freshman Jensen dragged everywhere they went. No one said a thing to Jared though, a welcomed break from his final years in high school. Without Jensen around to keep people off Jared's back, he'd been teased almost nonstop by the folks too afraid to do it before.

But Jensen was back, and people were quiet. He was _happy_ , despite everything.

***

"You know, I don't actually know why I'm still playing sports," Jensen said softly. His feet were kicked up on the wall, head hanging off the side of Jared's dorm bed.

"Because you like it?" Jared asked. He and Jensen had decided to stay in Jared's dorm this weekend rather than going home. It was only a few months until summer and Jared was enjoying the time away from his parents. They'd been drinking pretty heavily; a rarity for Jared in his strict household. He knew he was drunk, but he felt safe.

"I don't though. I mean, sure I like running and shit but I really don't like sports. Not the ones I play now at least."

"Okay. Quit."

"I can't... My dad'll kill me if I just up and quit sports."

Jared scowled a little, sitting up from where he was lying on the pillow to look at Jensen. "Who cares? You're in your twenties, Jensen. If you don't like sports-- Quit and do something you like."

Jensen chuckled weakly, sitting up and taking a swig of his beer. "Man, easy for you to say. You've always been able to do that."

"Do what?"

"Look at you," Jensen cried, rubbing his eyes. For the first time Jared noticed he was probably a little drunk too. "Your hair and your attitude and-- You've always been one step outside of society. You don't know what it's like to try and fit in."

Jared blinked at Jensen, his words stinging.

"You don't think I know what it's like to try and fit in?"

"Oh don't get insulted," Jensen mumbled. "I just mean you don't care about it. You say what's on your mind and you don't give a shit about making people happy."

"You think that's it? You don't know anything, Jensen," Jared mumbled. He wanted to shut himself up, but the words just kept pouring out. "You fucking-- You have a great life with great friends and a decent enough family and you have all these guys and girls fawning all over you. I know you feel like you have to conform but-- But there's more than one way to feel stuck. To fit in. To make-- To make people happy."

"Jared," Jensen said softly, tilting his head a little, "what are you talking about?"

"You!" Jared snapped. His brain was screaming at him to stop before he fucked up, but he couldn't. It was like his off button was broken. A part of him blamed the alcohol, the other part blamed bottling this up for nearly a decade.

"What about me?" Jensen asked, looking close to tears.

"I have to watch you date all these fucking _perfect_ guys and watch them worship you and listen to you talk about how amazing they all are, then pick up the pieces every time they break your fucking heart when I want--" Jared swallowed hard, blinking tears out of his eyes. "When I want to be the one that'll never break your heart. I want to be the one you talk about. I want you to notice me worshiping you-- But I'm just your best friend with the freaky hair and the don't give a shit attitude. Because that's all you see me as. So I might not have to conform to the perfect son, Jensen, but I have to conform in my own way. To make my only friend smile."

The silence that filled the room after Jared finished speaking was thick, heavy with the weight of his words. The reality of what he said sunk in and he swallowed hard; he'd ruined it all.

"Jay--"

"No. Don't-- Don't say anything, okay? Don't ever bring this up again." Jared rose and rushed out of his dorm room, leaving Jensen gaping after him.

***

Jared groaned when he tried to open his dry, scratchy eyes. The light burned and breathing hurt. He shifted, sitting up and wiping sleep from his eyes.

"Hey sleepyhead," Jensen said.

Jared blinked, looking over at him. Jensen looked exhausted, bags under his eyes. His hair was a mess and his eyes were bloodshot.

"What happened?" Jared croaked.

Jensen rose, grabbing a bottle of water from the mini fridge and passing it to Jared.

"You don't remember?" He asked.

"Kinda? I guess? I remember drinking a lot. But-- That's about it," Jared whispered. A shadow crossed Jensen's face. He smiled then and nodded.

"Yeah, that's all that happened. You uh-- You got pretty wasted then went to use the bathroom. When you didn't come back for twenty minutes I went to look for you, found you passed out on the floor. I dragged you back here and put you to bed."

Jared's shoulders slumped. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have had to take care of me."

"Nah, it was my pleasure. You're funny when you're drunk."

"I didn't say anything-- Embarrassing, did I?" Jared worried, sipping the water. Jensen shook his head.

"Nothing embarrassing. You're good. But, I do think we should skip the booze next time we wanna spend the weekend at your dorm. At least until you're actually drinking age."

Jared laughed, despite the pain it caused in his head. He nodded. "How about just video games next time?"

Jensen grinned, hopping up on the bed. "Sounds like the perfect plan."


	5. College Freshman Year: Summer

The days passed without event for Jared and Jensen after their mishap with drinking. True to his word, Jared opted to stay away from alcohol for the remainder of his Freshman year. Instead, he and Jensen spent their weekends playing video games or exploring the town their college was in. Whenever Jensen had a game, Jared was always there, cheering his best friend on.

Soon, two months had gone by, and Jared's first summer as a college student had started. He and Jensen were both back home for the summer. Jensen was working part time at the small appliance store his father owned, while Jared continued with his high school summer job of mowing lawns for some of their elderly neighbors. Despite both being 'working men' as they liked to joke, they still hung out a few times a week, not letting the pace of their lives get in the way of their friendship.

 

It was one of these quiet Friday evenings, and Jared and Jensen were lying in Jensen's back yard. They were watching the stars, not really speaking. After so many years of friendship - they didn't have to.

Jensen broke their comfortable silence first, by clearing his throat and speaking in a hushed tone, as if he didn't want to interrupt the quiet evening. "I decided you were right."

Jared looked over, raising his eyebrows. "Right about what?"

"That I should just get over it. Quit sports if I want to. Stop trying to be everything my parents want."

Jared scowled. He couldn't honestly remember telling Jensen to quit sports – Jensen loved sports as far as he knew. And then it hit him.

 

_"I don't though. I mean, sure I like running and shit but I really don't like sports. Not the ones I play now at least."_

_"Okay. Quit."_

_"I have to watch you date all these fucking perfect guys and watch them worship you and listen to you talk about how amazing they all are, then pick up the pieces every time they break your fucking heart when I want_ _to be the one that'll never break your heart. I want to be the one you talk about. I want you to notice me worshiping you-- But I'm just your best friend with the freaky hair and the don't give a shit attitude. Because that's all you see me as. So I might not have to conform to the perfect son, Jensen, but I have to conform in my own way. To make my only friend smile."_

 

Jared felt sick to his stomach. Had that really happened? He'd had an inkling - snippets of a confession he gave while he couldn't remember - but he'd always assumed it was just a dream. No way would he confess his love to Jensen and have Jensen not even bring it up to him. But this confirmed it. He _had_ said that to him.

But if Jensen didn't say anything, didn't even bother telling him the next morning-- What could that mean?

Panic coursed through Jared as he thought of all the possible reasons Jensen wouldn't bring it back up. Could he hate that Jared feels this way? Could he just want to pretend it never happened? He must have thought Jared remembered all along - otherwise he wouldn't have brought up the sports talk like it was no big deal.

Jared squeezed his eyes shut, not sure what to make of it.

 

"Jared? Hey-- You okay man? You look like you just saw a ghost," Jensen said from next to him, pulling him out of his head.

"Yeah-- Yeah, I-- I'm fine. So what are you gonna do? I mean, your dad'll be mad, won't he?"

Jensen continued staring at Jared for a second longer, searching his face for-- something. He nodded then and shrugged. "Yeah, I mean-- Course he will. But I wanna focus on my life you know? Focus on what I wanna do after college. I got one year left and I'm still not sure."

"Well you're a business major, right? You can do anything with that."

"That's the problem. I mean... I don't know _what_ to do. I went for business because it's easy. I mean, the major isn't, but it's kinda the major that the good, conforming folks get. The ones that make their families proud and be successful-- whatever the hell they're supposed to end up becoming."

"Well... Excluding your dad's voice in your head-- What do _you_ want to do with your life?"

Jensen looked over at Jared and chuckled a little. "You know, buddy? I got _no_ clue." He shrugged and looked back up at the stars. "But I do know I don't wanna be stuck working at my dad's shop the rest of my life. And I definitely don't wanna waste my senior year playing sports."

Jared lifted himself up onto his elbow, turning to look at Jensen straight on. "Well look, I'm that crazy kid that's majoring in something totally off the wall and I have zero clue what I'm gonna do with it, but I'm following my passion. So what we need to do is spend this summer figuring out what your passion is, right?"

"I guess so."

"Well I'm your best friend," Jared said, offering a broad grin. "I'll help you figure it out. I promise. We just gotta, you know. Get your dad's voice outta your head and figure out what you want in life."

Jensen chuckled a little and nodded. He reached out and squeezed Jared's arm. "You know you're fucking amazing, man. I got lucky when my parents moved in near your family."

Jared smiled despite the ache in his heart. He couldn't risk screwing up their friendship. If Jensen didn't bring up his drunken confession in over two months, there had to be a reason for it. Jared wasn't sure what that reason was, but it wasn't his place to know. His place was by Jensen's side as a best friend, no matter what.


	6. College Sophomore Year: Spring

The answer to Jensen’s question, it turned out, was physical therapy, and three more years to a new degree. As he and Jared searched the library and discussed everything from algebraic equations to zoology, it became very clear that Jensen wanted to help people. And his underlying interest in human anatomy and biology narrowed his choices down to only a handful. Not wanting to mess with the rigors of becoming a doctor, but knowing that he’d never have what it took to deal with the stress of a nursing job, they settled on physical therapy. Specifically, working with athletes that were injured.

As Jensen had worried – his father was furious. He’d wanted him to graduate with the business degree and not only take over the store, but possibly look into a wider expansion of it, stores in other locations. Jared stood by Jensen as his father ranted about throwing his life away – never mind that physical therapy _was_ a great career – it wasn’t what _he_ wanted Jensen to do.

Despite his nerves, Jensen held his ground. He was going to do this with or without his father’s approval.

So when it came time, Jensen withdrew from the sports teams he’d joined, and officially changed his major, and Jared was proud to say he was the one that sat next to Jensen as he filled out the forms. Three more years meant he and Jensen would graduate the same year. Though it was a stressful thought for Jensen, Jared couldn’t deny that there was a part of him that was quite pleased with the turn of events. Three more years as friends before the “real” real world got in the way. Three more years of college and laughs.

Even though it meant three more years of pining over the man he knew he’d never have – Jared decided he was okay with that. Because he’d never seen his best friend look happier.

***

Even now, nearly at the end of Jared’s sophomore year, Jensen and his father still weren’t on the best of terms. They were speaking, but it was tense at best. So, Jensen spent most of his time with Jared, in his dorm or at Jared’s home, studying or playing video games. It almost felt like high school again sometimes, and Jared had to remind himself that they were adults. And things would eventually change. But for now, they didn’t have to. He was going to enjoy every minute he could.

***

“So, how’s Jackie?” Jared asked, fishing in the bowl of popcorn between their thighs. Jensen glared at the screen, shifting. They were stretched out on Jared’s bed at his house, watching some cheesy horror movie.

“I swear. The next time she makes a big deal about a lab project I’m going to lose my shit. I swear. This isn’t her first Biology class but if we have to do _anything_ messy she makes me do it like – Come _on_.”

Jared smirked a little. “Why don’t you just talk to your professor?”

Jensen shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t wanna be a whiner? Only a few more weeks, and then hopefully she and I won’t be in anymore classes.”

“What’s her major again?”

“Zoology.”

Jared hmphed. “Maybe a few more biology, but not too many. I got something that might cheer you up.”

He hopped up off the bed and went over to his dresser, digging in the top drawer.

“I don’t wanna see your porn collection, Jay,” Jensen teased. Jared whipped around, his eyes wide and Jensen smirked. He tossed a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“What? Didn’t think I knew where you kept it?”

Jared shrugged a little, diverting his gaze. He’d come out his Sophomore year to Jensen, feeling terrible about lying to him. Jensen had been understanding, and incredibly supportive, much to his relief.

“Hey, don’t worry about it dude. I keep my porn in the loose floorboard under my bed. Now we’re even.”

Jared laughed a little. “Okay. But no, I’m not showing you my porn. I’m showing you this.” He turned around, holding up a thick fold of twenties.

Jensen’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s a lot of money. Got something you wanna tell me?”

Jared glared, bringing up his long leg and kicking the bottom of Jensen’s foot. “Jackass.”

“You love it. Why are you showing me money? Are we gonna go get strippers?”

“Maybe next time,” Jared teased, slipping the money back into the drawer. “That’s the money for my first tattoo… And I’d really love it if my best friend was there to laugh at me while I cried over the pain?”

A slow grin spread over Jensen’s face. “Really, dude? You want me there?”

“Of course. I mean—If you wanna come. I know it’s not your thing.”

“Jay—You’ve been talking about wanting a tattoo pretty much since I met you. Of course I wanna be there. When?”

“Two days, Sunday afternoon.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. I mean—I’ll be staying here anyways, so.”

Jared grinned.

“Wanna tell me what you’re getting?” Jensen asked. Jared bit his lip.

“No. I want it to be a surprise. But—“

“But what?”

Jared turned and grabbed a box of hair dye from his dresser. “Will my best friend also be willing to dye my hair new colors?”

“You don’t even gotta ask, buddy. Come on.” Jensen pressed pause on the film and rose, snagging the hair dye from Jared’s hand and heading toward the bathroom.

***

“You nervous yet?” Jensen teased, passing Jared the water bottle again. Jared shook his head, but knew his lie was obvious. They were sitting in the waiting area of the tattoo shop while Jared’s artist, Tanner, finished up with his previous client.

“I’m sure it won’t hurt too much,” Jensen said. He reached out and tugged Jared’s bangs. Jared grinned despite the ache in his stomach at the simple touch.

“Thanks again, by the way.”

“For what?”

“Changing my hair. And coming here with me. My Mom’s not too pleased about my choice.”

“Dude, don’t get kicked out – we’re down to one set of parents here. What’ll we do if we can’t stay at your place?”

“The dorms?” Jared offered.

“And during summer?”

“We could get a place of our own,” Jared said before realizing the gravity of his statement. Jensen’s smile slid from his face. Jared’s eyes widened. “I mean—I’m kidding, of course. You wouldn’t wanna live with me or anything.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Jensen asked.

“I don’t know. You didn’t look too interested in the suggestion.”

“Just caught me by surprise. You know, I uh—I’ve been thinking of finding a cheap place to rent. Near the school. But with my job I know I’ll need roommates and I didn’t wanna room with strangers, or someone I couldn’t stand. Would you really wanna live with me?”

Jared shrugged, staring at the scuffed toes of his Converse. “We already pretty much do, I mean—Just at my parent’s place. Since your Dad’s being a dick…”

“It couldn’t hurt to look, you know,” Jensen said softly. Jared looked over and Jensen shrugged. “See if we find a place that works for us. That we can afford and we like. What do you think?”

“We could look this summer.” Jared suggested, trying to keep the tinge of hope from his voice.

Jensen grinned that Hollywood grin. “Perfect.”

“Jared. You ready?” Tanner asked, stepping out of the back room with the other client. Jared jumped up.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Great. Just gimme the form and your ID and we’ll get you set up.”

“Can I come back?” Jensen worried. Tanner nodded.

“Yeah, course. You a brother?”

“Best friend,” Jensen said, clapping Jared on the back. Tanner grinned.

“Good person to have with you. He’s probably gonna need it,” he teased. Jared smirked a little, tucking his chin into his chest as he handed over his ID.

 

When Jared had stripped out of his shirt and wiggled the cargo shorts he was wearing down past the sharp jut of his hipbone, he hadn’t missed Jensen’s expression.

“What?”

“How big of a damn tattoo are you getting?” Jensen asked.

Tanner laughed, not looking up from where he was flipping thorugh papers. “You didn’t tell him, kiddo?”

“Wanted it to be a surprise,” Jared said. He stretched out on the chair on his stomach, resting his head on his forearms so he could see Jensen.

“Come sit by me. I might grab your hand if it hurts too much.”

Jensen laughed and took a seat, his long legs sprawling open in front of him. “I’m not helping you give birth.”

“Gross,” Jared snorted.

“So what is it, man? I’m dying of curiosity here.”

“You’ll see,” Jared sing-songed, grinning at Jensen.

Jensen scowled but stayed quiet. Jared turned his head, catching Tanner as he found what he was looking for. He pulled out the rolled sheet of paper and walked back over, unrolling it below the line of the chair so Jensen couldn’t see.

“Perfect.”

“Oh come on, now you’re just being silly,” Jensen said. Jared knew that was his ‘trying to sound angry’ voice, but it wasn’t working.

“You’ll see it as soon as he transfers it onto me.”

“Stand up for me,” Tanner said. He sprayed some cool liquid onto Jared’s side and down to where his ass was just starting to swell over of the band of his lowered shorts. He placed the paper over the damp spot, pressing down before pulling back, he repeated it with a few other scraps of paper before grunting.

“Go check it out in the mirror, tell me what you think.”

“Jensen,” Jared said, turning to show Jensen the design for the first time. He looked back, chewing his lip as he awaited his best friend’s opinion.

“So?”

“Holy shit, Jared,” Jensen whispered, rising and leaning over to get a closer look.

“It’ll look really cool colored in. A lot of bright colors and stuff.”

Jensen nodded, stepping back. A small smirk was playing at the corners of his mouth, turning them upward. “It suits you.”

 

Tanner wasn’t wrong about needing Jensen there. Jared was fine along the curve and dip of his back for the most part, chatting with Jensen and Tanner and only wincing a few times. But once Tanner began to outline the curving bits near Jared’s hipbones, his pain started to show.

“You good?” Jensen worried when Jared stopped talking completely.

“I’m good, just—Stings.”

“Well once we finish this outline up we’ll let you rest for a few minutes.”

“Thanks.”

Jensen leaned forward, resting his chin on the back of the reclined chair. Jared’s throat closed; Jensen’s nose was almost touching his, just his forearm separating their mouths.

“You’re doing great, you know.”

“How would you know?” Jared asked without any venom. “No one in your life has a tattoo.”

“You’re right. Everyone in my life is a shining example of a citizen. You little criminal,” he teased. They’d overheard Jensen’s father saying that most tattooed people were criminals, and it had become an inside joke for them over the years.

Jared grinned. “Exactly. So you don’t know.”

“I know it looks nice so far, even without the color. And you haven’t passed out or started crying… And you haven’t grabbed my hand and broken it yet, so—“

“I’ve been resisting,” Jared admitted. Jensen grinned, laughing a little. His warm breath tickled the hairs on Jared’s arm, making him forget for just a moment about the pain of the needles digging into his lower back.

“Don’t resist. It’s what I’m here for, bud.”

“There, all done with the outline,” Tanner said, setting the tattoo gun down and gently wiping Jared’s skin with a paper towel.

 

After a break that wasn’t quite long enough for the pain to fade completely, Jared stretched out on the reclined chair again. This time, Jensen scooted closer, squeezing his upper arm. “You glad you decided to do this?”

“Super glad,” Jared said, smiling softly at Jensen. “How’s it looking?”

“Painful,” Jensen admitted, chuckling. “But pretty so far.”

They watched Tanner set up a wide spectrum of colors and chuckled a little.

“Gonna have the whole damn rainbow by the time you’re done.”

“That’s his plan,” Tanner said, smirking over at Jared. He grinned before turning back to Jensen.

“Full spectrum. A lot of red but all the colors will be in there,” he explained.

Jensen nodded, quieting down as Tanner finished prepping. He held his hand out, smiling at Jared. “If you need to be a baby.”

 

Jared took Jensen up on his offer during the final hour of his appointment. Tanner’s needle was relentless, pressing into his skin to leave the bright colors he’d requested, the dull buzz of the gun filling the spaces between their conversation.

 

Tanner leaned back, setting his gun down and clapping his gloved hands together. “Damn I’m good. I said three hours, we’ve been at it for three hours and five minutes. You’re all done, kiddo.”

“It’s done?” Jared asked, a cross between relieved and sad; he’d just been getting used to the sensations.  
“All done. Lemme clean her up and you can take a look.” Tanner said, wiping the excess ink from Jared’s sore back.

Jared slid off the chair, allowing Jensen to help him up. He flushed a little when Jensen’s fingers laced with his for a moment.

“You okay, man? You’re super red.”

“I’m good—Head rush,” Jared said. He forced a smile, pulling his hand out of Jensen’s. Jensen’s eyes narrowed a little but Jared smiled wider. “How’s it look?” He asked, turning so Jensen could see.

“Amazing, man. It looks great on you.”

Jared beamed and walked over to the mirror, turning so he could see. Half of his back and side was covered by an intricate rainbow colored dragon. The tip of its wing started just under his shoulder blade, curving down his back along his spine in a gradient from bright green to bright red before reaching the body, a mix of reds and oranges. Its neck curved up, front legs out. The spines jutting down the back of its neck shifted from orange to yellow. The other wing curved around Jared’s side, ending just under his pec. The dragon’s body flowed further down his back, culminating in a tail colored with rich purples and pinks, swirling and curving around itself. It hugged the swell of Jared’s ass, ending with a tuft of vibrant purple and black in the very middle of his lower back, resembling both a flame and fur.

“Oh my God,” he whispered, biting his lip. Jensen stepped up to him, his chest almost against Jared’s arm.

“Do _you_ like it?”

“I love it.”

“Why a dragon, Jay?” Jensen asked softly. Jared turned to look at him, swallowing audibly when he realized they were nearly nose to nose. He licked his lips.

“Cause I promised.”

“You remembered.”

Jared smiled, taking a step back before he lost his willpower and kissed his best friend square on the mouth.

“Inside joke between you two?” Tanner asked from where he was cleaning up his station. Jared cleared his throat.

“Yeah. When we were younger, Jensen loved dragons. He drew me one once that was all sorts of weird colors and I promised him I’d get it as my first tattoo. Obviously I had you draw one that didn’t have a head the size of it’s wings, but—“

Tanner nodded, looking between the two with such intensity that Jared had to look away.

He hated feeling so exposed, especially when it had to do with Jensen. He couldn’t risk anyone finding out that secret. The night he slipped and confessed still weighed heavy on Jared. He was beginning to wonder if it really had happened, or if his alcohol addled brain had just made it up. Jensen never gave any inclination that he knew; they were just as close as they had been. Touching, laughing, jokes and smiles – everything felt the same.

 

Even as Jared paid Tanner and they walked out of the tattoo shop, Jensen slung his arm over Jared’s shoulders and squeezed, suggesting they get ice cream for an experience well earned.


	7. College Senior Year: Spring

Living with one’s best friend was expected to come with some difficulties. Dirty clothes on the floor, stolen food, refusal to do chores. It’s expected that these things would tend to pile up, and occur more frequently as the years passed living together. Jared and Jensen both understood this, and swore to talk it through if things of this nature bugged the other. And it worked. It had worked for nearly three years. But, as Chaucer once wrote: all good things must come to an end.

The end of the perfect peace between Jared and Jensen’s housing situation came in the form of a beautiful dark haired boy named Austin, and Jensen’s very fast and very hard fall into romance with him.

Up until that point, Jensen had been focusing mainly on school. He knew without his father’s assistance that he needed to keep up good grades and a good work ethic to manage scholarships and loans. Relationships had been put on the back burner for him. Of course, relationships had never been on Jared’s mind; the one person he wanted was out of reach, so why would he hurt someone by pretending? Because of this, it was a non-issue for both of them.

And then Austin came. Austin was a physical therapist in the hospital that Jensen was interning at during his final year. Austin was big and strong and athletic and perfect. Austin was everything Jared could never hope to be. He was _normal_. He was _safe_. He was fucking beautiful, and Jensen was head over heels the first time he met him. The first time Jared met Austin, a month after Jensen and he had begun dating – he hated him.

He wasn’t sure why he disliked Austin. Maybe it was because the first time they met, the look Austin gave him was almost mean enough to kill. Or because when they met, Austin asked him what he was looking at – with the ever so popular ‘freak’ nickname attached. Of course, Jensen jumped on the defense, letting Austin know this was his best friend from childhood, they were roommates, and he _really_ wanted them to get along. Austin had turned on the charm instantly, apologizing for calling Jared names and offering a weak attempt at friendship. But there was something off about him that Jared just couldn’t pinpoint.

It wasn’t long before the Austin situation drove a wedge between the two that even Jared couldn’t fix.

 

“So, I was thinking,” Jensen began, smiling almost shyly at Jared, “maybe tonight we could have dinner.”

Jared perked up. Jensen had been either working or out with Austin almost every night this month, a steady increase from the past few months they’d been dating. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. You, me, and Austin. Just kinda hang out. This weekend is mine and his six-month anniversary so I’ll be kinda busy, so, whatcha say?”

Jared’s shoulders slumped. His smile faded a little but he nodded. “Sure.”

“You don’t sound excited.”

Jared shrugged, tugging his textbook a little closer to his chest. Finals were in two weeks, so he’d been filling the Jensen-free time with studying.

“I’m just kinda busy, you know. Lots of finals.”

“You got a few, I know but—Jared, it sounds like you’re trying to avoid me.”

Jared looked up, his brows furrowed. “Avoid you? Jensen, how can I avoid someone who’s almost never home long enough to even have a conversation with?”

“Oh come on, I’m home,” Jensen argued.

Jared shook his head. “Give me one day last week where you were home for more than fifteen minutes, except to sleep.”

“I—“ Jensen went quiet, his face drooping a little. His expression hardened then. “Well so what?” He snapped.

Jared shook his head. “You’re my best friend, and you have to ask that?”

“Oh come on, you know I work now.”

“So do I. And I’m still home. I study, too—When’s the last time you did that?”

“I study! I studied just last night at Austin’s.”

“Right. Austin,” Jared spat before he could stop himself. Jensen pulled back.

“Yeah. Austin. My _boyfriend_. Jesus Christ, Jared, what’s your problem with Austin anyway? He’s been nothing but nice to you!”

Jared shook his head. “I don’t know. I just don’t like the guy. You deserve better.”

“Better?” Jensen flung his arms out. “Jared, the guy has a Master’s degree. He makes great money. He’s got a real house and a dog and a nice car, and what do we have? A crappy apartment. Fuck—You sound fucking jealous. Jared you’re my _friend_. That’s it. I don’t know when you started thinking you were more, but it’s _never_ been like that anywhere but in your head.”

The words hit Jared like a punch to the jaw. His expression must have showed it, because Jensen’s eyes widened, his stance immediately softening.

“Shit, Jared, I’m just mad, I didn’t mean—“

“You meant it,” Jared whispered, closing his book and gathering up his things. He was fighting back the tears that were already threatening to fall. “I’m gonna go back to my parents tonight.”

“Jay—Come on. Stay.” Jensen reached for Jared’s arm but he jerked away.

“ _No_.” Jared stared at his notebook, not wanting to risk Jensen seeing the pain on his face. “It’s about time for us to grow up anyway. We’re from two different worlds, man.” He shoved his books into his bag and shouldered it, heading toward the door.

“What? Please, Jared, _wait_ ,” Jensen pleaded.

Jared stopped at the door but didn’t turn around. He could hear the pain in Jensen’s voice – if he saw it on his face he knew he wouldn’t be able to leave. “What?”

“Jay, come on. You’re my best friend. You’ve been my best friend since we were little. You can’t—It can’t end like this. I’m sorry for snapping.”

Jared squared his shoulders, his eyes on the door as he spoke, slow and measured. “You’re right, Jensen. I’m your best friend. I’m not anything else. You’ve made that _abundantly_ clear. I hope you and Austin end up happy together. I’ll—I’ll come pick up my stuff while you’re at work tomorrow and drop off my final rent check.”

He threw open the door and rushed out before he talked himself out of it. As soon as Jared settled into the driver’s seat of his crappy car – never would have a car as nice as Austin – he put his head on his arms and sobbed.


	8. College Senior Year: Summer

Almost three months of silence. Jared wasn’t sure he’d ever gone that long without seeing – or at least speaking to – Jensen. Their graduation ceremony had been downright painful; Jared had nearly broken, walked up to Jensen and hugged him, begging for forgiveness. Jensen had looked so sad. Even with his parents there, smiling and happy for him. That was, until Austin came out of the crowd, scooping Jensen off his feet.

 

Days were now spent down at the local youth center, working with some of the trouble kids in a form of art therapy. He taught them to create sets and put together a play for the community. The work was amazing, and Jared loved every minute of it. But he was still lonely. Not having Jensen to talk to had Jared spending his nights alone in his room, staring at the blank white ceiling.

Two weeks after graduation and Jared couldn't look at himself in the mirror. Seeing the haircut and style Jensen had helped him create hurt. He spent two hours in the bathroom, trimming and shaping a new, more even cut that fell over his eyes. He left the product out, allowing his shaggy hair to curl naturally around his neck and ears, softening his face. The next evening, he dyed the bright colors out, opting for a rich blue-black, with a streak of deep blood red that cut across his bangs. It was simple - but it was different. He needed different.

One month of his parents trying to make him feel better and Jared decided to get his own place. His salary from the youth center was good enough for a crappy one bedroom, but it was his. It had no memories of Jensen - that was the biggest appeal. It didn't help as much as he'd hoped - instead of coming home to his parents trying to cheer him up, he came home to an empty apartment, spending his evenings the same way; staring at blank walls and wondering what Jensen was doing. Was he happy with Austin? Did he ever think about Jared? Did he regret anything that happened between them? The questions bounced around Jared's brain until each one was an ice pick, jabbing a sharp, painful hole in his mind, aching more and more each passing day.

***

Jared was sitting on his threadbare couch on a warm Friday evening, sketching up an idea that he wanted to work on the kids at the center with when he went back to work on Monday. His arm throbbed pleasantly, a new tattoo stiffening the skin of his bicep. This one was a mutation of the theatre smiling and frowning faces, fire and ice distorting their features. He'd been using tattoos as a form of therapy since he and Jensen had their fight. It worked for a while, but he always went back to those final painful memories.

The knock at his door startled him. No one visited here. When his parents wanted to see him, he went to their house, and he still hadn't figured out that whole making friends bit, twenty-three years old or not. He rose slowly, reaching for his pocket knife as he opened his door a crack, peeking out over the chain lock.

Jensen stood in front of his door, his eyes bloodshot from crying. Tear tracks streaked down his freckled face. He looked ready to fold in on himself, shoulders slumped and hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.

"Hey, Jay."

"Jensen? What are you doing here? How did you even know where I lived?" Jared asked. He sounded much harsher than he meant to. The sight of Jensen on his doorstep opened all sorts of barely scabbed over wounds.

"Your parents. I-- I went there and they told me your address. I'm sorry-- I shouldn't have come, I just didn't know where else to go."

"Are you okay?" Jared asked, still not opening the door. He couldn't let Jensen into this space. It was boring and empty and lonely - but it was his. It wasn't marred with the memories of the man he could never have.

Jensen shook his head. "Not really."

"What's wrong?"

Jensen licked his lips, hanging his head. He scuffed the toe of his boot along the floor, swallowing audibly. "Austin."

Jared felt fury bubble in his stomach and up his throat.

"Jensen, I don't wanna get in the middle of a fight with your boyfriend-- Or-- Fiancé or whatever he is now."

"He's nothing," Jensen whispered. "He cheated on me and he-- "

Jared's eyes narrowed, hearing the hesitation in Jensen's voice.

"He what?"

Jensen sighed, shaking his head. "Shit. I-- I'm so sorry, Jared. I shouldn't have come here. Forget this, okay?" He turned and rushed down the hallway. Jared scowled. He closed his door and unlocked it, throwing it open before rushing down the hallway to catch up to Jensen.

"Jen!"

Jensen ignored him and Jared swore softly.

"Damnit, Ackles! Come on, you drove all the way to my parent's place, and then here. Just fuckin'-- Come inside and talk."

Jensen hesitated, turning back to look up at Jared.

"Are you sure?"

Jared shrugged. "No. But you're crying. You don't look like you should be driving. So-- My house is about the only one you wanna spend time in, especially in this place, so... Come on."

Jensen followed him back to his apartment, standing close to the wall as Jared closed the door.

"Lemme-- Get a shirt on."

"You don't have to," Jensen whispered, staring at the floor. "You got a new tattoo."

"Yeah, just today. Got a couple more too, on my legs. Kitchen's-- Right in there if you want a beer or water or something." Jared pointed to the doorway before ducking into his bedroom.

When he came back out, Jensen was still standing in the same spot, hugging himself. For the first time Jared realized just how _small_ he looked.

"Jen. Talk to me."

"I'm sorry, Jared. I knew I shouldn't have come but you're the only friend I've got."

"I know that's not true," Jared argued, walking into the kitchen.

"It is now. I mean-- I don't even really have a right to call you my friend after what I did."

Jared came back out, holding a bottle of beer out to Jensen. "You'll always be my friend, man. Come on. Come sit down."

They sat on the couch in silence save for the quiet clink of their beer bottles as they sipped them and sat them on the small wooden coffee table in front of them.

"So," Jensen said softly, "how's Tanner?"

"Good. Same as he was a couple years ago."

"Still your main artist?"

"Only one that'll touch me. I mean-- That I'll let tattoo me."

"I gotcha. You two would uh-- Be cute together though," Jensen joked, and Jared snorted.

"I'm sure. But he's a little old for me and... Not really my type."

Jensen laughed weakly, a forced sound in the otherwise quiet room. Jared sighed.

"Talk to me, man. What did Austin do?"

Jensen hung his head. "He tried to hit me. After I uh, confronted him about cheating."

Jared's face began to heat up, the back of his nose and eyes burning with angry tears. "He tried to _hit_ you?" He whispered, rage showing through even that short sentence.

"Don't -- Don't get mad. It's not why I came. He didn't hurt me and I left him, I--" He chuckled weakly. "All my shit is in the back of my car because I don't wanna go home."

"What about the apartment?" Jared asked, his hands in tight fists on his lap. Jensen shook his head. "I let it go after graduation. Austin offered to let me move in and like an idiot, I said yes. My parents told me it was a bad idea and I should get settled on my own before thinking about moving in with a boyfriend. It's why I don't wanna go back home. I don't need to hear my Dad say he told me so one more time."

Jared chuckled weakly. "That's his favorite phrase."

"You're telling me. Look, Jared I’m... The way we ended things--"

Jared shook his head. "Not really the time for it. Look, I uh-- You can sleep here, if you want. Austin doesn't know where I live and my bed's pretty comfy. And we can figure out what you should do tomorrow."

He rose, grabbing his mostly empty bottle. Jensen's hand on his wrist nearly made him scream. All those feelings he'd been working on getting rid of flooded back, his heart doing a little stutter-step.

"Please," Jensen whispered.

Jared turned just as Jensen rose, going almost chest to chest with him. He looked down, finding himself easily lost in the bright green of Jensen's eyes. They were always so much more vibrant when he'd been crying.

"Jay," Jensen's voice was barely above a whisper, just a puff of warm breath over Jared's mouth.

"What are you doing?" Jared asked. He wanted to step back, turn away - anything to break the thick tension between them.

"Four years ago... You got drunk with me. You told me something. Do you remember what you said?"

_"I want to be the one that'll never break your heart. I want to be the one you talk about."_

Jared licked his lips. He had to be careful here, and he knew it. One wrong answer and things could end permanently, before they even started putting it back together.

"Jensen, you're sad, and you're tired. I don't think--"

"Do you _remember_ , Jared?"

"Yeah, Jen. I remember, okay. I remembered it just a few months after. I shouldn't have said it, and I'm sorry. But right now-- You need a friend. Please, if this is gonna wreck us even worse-- Let it wait until you're settled again."

Jensen laughed; a single humorless huff. He stepped back, shaking his head.

Jared's heart sank when Jensen looked back up at him, his eyes filled with a fresh batch of tears.

"What the fuck, man?" Before Jared could speak, Jensen continued. "Why do you always fucking do this? For _years_ you've been picking up after me. You've been cleaning up my messes and my shit. You've been pulling me back from jumping off a ledge-- Where do you fit in?"

Jared shrugged. "You're my friend."

"Goddammit, Jared, we both know I'm more than that to you. But you put it all aside just because I have a fucking whining problem."

"You don't whine, Jen."

Jensen snorted, the tears spilling over and running down his face. "I do and you know it. You've been the one constant in my fucking life for over a decade, man and what have I ever done for you? Given you a crap haircut and forced you out of our home over a fucking guy. That ended up being a dick anyways - you were right. You're always right."

Jared shook his head. He set the bottle down and grabbed Jensen's shoulders, giving him a shake. "I didn't want to be right, Jen. I didn't and I'm so sorry I was. I wanted you and him to be happy even if I couldn't see it."

Jensen went still, staring up at Jared's face. He leaned forward then, his lips parting. It took Jared a moment to realize what was happening.

"Jensen, stop!" He cried seconds before their lips met. He stepped back, locking his elbows to keep Jensen a safe distance away.

"What are you doing?"

Jensen's face sank. "Trying to put you first for once," he whispered, trying to pull Jared back to him.

"I appreciate the sentiment, man-- But you just got dumped. And we haven't spoken for three months. I don't wanna be a rebound. I'll be your friend right now, if you want me to. I'll give you a place to stay, but-- You gotta get your head on straight."

Jensen sighed and nodded. "You're right, I-- I keep fucking up."

"You're just having a rough time. Go to bed. The uh-- The bedroom is straight through there and if you need something to sleep in, I should have some sweats that'll fit you. Bottom drawer."

Jared squeezed Jensen's shoulders weakly before letting go, grabbing their bottles. Jensen smiled sadly up at Jared.

"Thank you."

"It's what friends are for," Jared said. He tried to smile, but know it came off pained and awkward - he could feel the tension in his cheeks. As soon as Jensen turned and disappeared into the bedroom, he slumped onto the couch, burying his face in his hands. What the fuck was he supposed to do now?


	9. The Next Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place immediately after the events of the previous chapter - no time jump.

Jared flung his arm out when he felt someone next to him, startling him out of his sleep. His fist connected with something relatively soft and Jensen shouted.

Jared’s eyes snapped open. Jensen was doubled over, his hand cupping his groin. His other hand was holding a cup of coffee, half spilled onto the floor from the impact.

“Oh shit,” Jared scrambled into a sitting position, taking the cup and setting it on the table. Jensen sank to his knees, resting his forehead on the arm of the couch.

“Jesus, dude—I like doggy style but I don’t wanna be neutered,” he huffed.

“I’m so sorry, man. It’s a bad part of town, I—“

“Yeah, I know, I found the knife under your fucking pillow. Aren’t you afraid you’re gonna slit your throat in your sleep or something?” Jensen panted, slowly standing. Jared grimaced.

“I’m used to it—Are you okay?”

“Well—My balls ache. I made us coffee.”

“I can see that,” Jared chuckled a little as Jensen flopped down next to him. He was wearing a pair of Jared’s sweats, even tied tight they hung low on his hips, giving Jared a view of the perfect cut of his hipbones and the swell of his ass as he sat.

“I’ll get another cup… Guessing yours is out there too?”

“Yep,” Jensen said, leaning his head back on the couch. Jared smiled softly, his eyes roaming over Jensen’s bare chest and broad arms. Even in just their few months of separation, he’d gained visible muscle, though he was markedly paler.

“You been working a lot?” Jared asked, rising and heading to the kitchen.

“Yeah, you know, regular schedule.”

“You’re white as hell. That Irish is showing,” Jared teased. He didn’t need to see Jensen’s face to know he was being glared at.

“Yeah right, you have no room to talk, you damn goth.”

Jared returned to the living room with both cups of coffee, passing one to Jensen before sitting. “Not a goth, asshole. It’s punk.”

They both laughed a little at their running joke. “You changed your hair,” Jensen said then, his tone solemn.

Jared nodded, staring at the liquid in his cup. “Yeah, I guess…”

“I get it. That was our thing. I like it though, the dark suits you.”

“Thanks. I kinda miss the bright though.”

“That looked good too.”

They sat in silence for a bit, sipping their coffee. It was Jensen that spoke up first.

“So I have today off, um—If you wanna do something.”

“Yeah, we should find you somewhere to live. You probably don’t wanna be living in this crap hole for very long.”

“It’s not that bad. It’s got my best friend in it.” Jensen’s voice sounded almost hopeful, a question at the end that hung heavy and loud between them.

Jared ran his tongue over his bottom lip, not sure how to answer. He looked over at Jensen, trying his best to smile. When it failed, Jensen nodded.

“I get it. I really messed things up.”

“No. I just—I wasn’t lying when I said what I said. We are from different worlds. We always have been.”

“We don’t have to be, Jared.”

“Jen—“

“Please. Just listen to me?”

Jared sighed. He nodded though, waiting for Jensen to continue.

“I was a dick. What I said was cruel. I shouldn’t have been so—What you told me that night was a secret that I wasn’t supposed to know. And I respected that. That’s why I didn’t say anything for so long. If you can forgive me—We can go back to that. Friends, like we were. I miss my friend, Jared.”

“Jensen, you’ve got a ton of friends. The hospital and—“

“Austin saw to it that I had no one after you left, Jared. You were the one thing keeping him from controlling my _life_. After you left, I—I barely breathed without his say so. But I knew I deserved it.”

“Why didn’t you—You didn’t tell me any of this?”

“Would you have cared?”

“Of course!” Jared shouted, his brows furrowing. “Fighting or not, you’re still my best friend. You’re still the only guy I’d ever go to bat for. If you’d told me what he was doing, I—“

“Would’ve made sure it ended one way or another, I know. I should have. But it was my penance. I figured, at least he was honest, if a little cruel. And then he cheated. And then he tried to punch me, and I ran. I came back after he left for the bar and I packed my shit up and I left. I went to your parents…”

“Jensen—This apartment isn’t big enough for both of us. Last night—“

“Was a mistake, I know. It was wrong of me. I was hurt, I’m still hurt. I just wanna be your best friend again. Please? I’ll do anything.”

Jared closed his eyes, emotions rolling in his stomach and twisting it into painful, nauseating knots. Everything he felt about Jensen was coming back, hitting him in waves. The love, the need, the lust, the affection—

Jensen remained silent as Jared processed his thoughts, and that was almost worse. He knew his best friend was at rock bottom. He’d never seen Jensen so bare.

Jared shoulders dropped, slanting down as his head hung lower. He raised it slowly, peeking at Jensen first through the fringe of his blood red bangs, then straight on.

“We’ll look for another apartment that we can both afford.”

Jensen sobbed brokenly, setting his coffee cup down and leaping forward. He slammed into Jared hard enough to knock them both back against the couch, squeezing until it was almost painful.

Jared laughed a little, curling his arms around Jensen’s body. He could feel a wetness on his neck – tears, he realized when he felt Jensen’s body shake. He squeezed a little tighter, letting himself nuzzle against the curve of Jensen’s neck. When he felt Jensen’s lips brush against his pulse, Jared nearly began to cry himself. Jensen had said the almost-kiss the night before was a mistake – and it was – but his mind kept wondering: what if.


	10. Winter

“Jensen! I brought dinner,” Jared called, dropping two bags of take-out on the counter of their apartment.

 

They’d gotten lucky and managed to find a place quick during the summer. It was walking distance from the youth center, and close enough to the hospital that it didn’t take forever to drive.

Things fell into a comfortable rhythm easier than Jared had ever expected them to. Despite the tension of their almost-kiss and the still heavy hurt of their fight, they moved on, working together in the way only ten years of friendship would allow.

Now it was side by side bedrooms and sharing a bathroom, laughing at late night movies and a pact to never let a man come between them again – especially if it was someone Jared had a bad feeling about.

Austin had tried to come around once – cornering Jensen and Jared at the hospital one afternoon when Jared had come by to drop off Jensen’s lunch. For the first time in his life, Jared stepped in front of Jensen. His size came in handy, staring Austin straight in the face as he told him to fuck off and leave Jensen alone. Austin took it as a threat, shoving Jared backwards into Jensen. The action had resulted in a write up from the hospital and three months’ probation. Austin transferred to a different workplace soon after.

  
And so it went. It was close to Christmas now and the teens at Jared’s work were putting together a creative little play. He spent more time than he wanted to out of the house, but knew Jensen understood.

It wasn’t perfect. The memory of Jensen’s mouth almost on his still weighed on his mind. The ‘what if’ of the whole situation taunting him on lonely nights. He knew Jensen didn’t see him that way, it was just grief – but what if?

 

“How are the kids?” Jensen asked, startling Jared out of his thoughts.

“They’re great. Man, you gotta see this play. These guys are so creative.”

Jensen laughed. He opened the bags, pulling out tubs of Chinese food. “Does it make you want some of your own?” He asked.

Jared grabbed beers from the fridge. “No way. I couldn’t handle single parenthood.”

“Maybe you’ll find someone.”

Jared snorted, shaking his head. His bangs fell over his eyes, turning his vision blue for a moment. That had been one of the first things they fixed – Jensen had gone after his head with clippers and the brightest dyes they could afford, giving him a complete rainbow streaked through the black.

“Well, if I magically fall for someone and they want kids – Yeah, I’d say yes. But I don’t see that happening, Jen.”

Jensen shrugged, heading toward the couch with Jared. They flopped down onto it, close enough that their arms and legs were pressed tight together despite an entire empty cushion on Jensen’s other side.

Moving like clockwork they doled out the food and turned on the television, finding the evening news before settling back onto the couch. They watched in a comfortable silence. Evenings like this, Jared let his fantasy world take over.

If they were dating – would it be like this? A comfortable silence, a smooth friendship, easy conversation? Or would it be more heated? Touches, looks, quiet promises of dirty sheets and hidden bite marks? Jared’s personal favorite was an equal mix of both.

 

“So you’re coming, right? To the play?” Jared asked after they’d finished dinner.

“Of course, man. You’ve talked about this for months, I’m excited to see what your team and the kids have done with it. I got a date planned and everything.”

Jared pushed back the sharp twinge of envy that streaked through his gut at the word ‘date’. Jensen hadn’t dated anyone since they’d moved back in together. He knew a part of it was because the breakup with Austin was still so fresh, but he’d hoped there was something else to it.

“A date, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah. Been thinking about this one for a long time.”

Jared nodded, forcing a smile when Jensen looked over at him. “I’m happy for you.”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, me too.” He smiled softly before looking back to the television.

***

The following weekend was the play that the youth center had put together. Jared was rushing around the apartment, nearly in a state of panic. Jensen caught him by the arm, spinning him so they were almost chest to chest.

“What are you missing?” Jensen asked.

“My red and blue scarf.”

Jensen chuckled and let go of Jared, holding his finger up in a ‘one second’ motion. He disappeared into Jared’s bedroom, returning seconds later with the scarf in his hands. Jared grinned, sighing in relief. He leaned forward, letting Jensen wrap it around his throat.

“What would I do without you?”

“Probably never find anything. You ready to go?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll see you there, right?”

Jensen’s brows furrowed. He cocked his head a little. “Dude, I’m going with you.”

“But you said – Don’t you have a date? Are they meeting you there or something?”

“Or something,” Jensen said. The corners of his mouth curled up in a little smile that had Jared frowning; that smile never meant anything good.

“Well, alright—come on then. But you’re gonna be bored as hell sitting there while everyone gets ready.”

Jensen shrugged. “I’ll find a way to amuse myself.” He followed Jared out of their apartment and down to the street toward the center.

 

Jared made it half way through the play before he peeked his head out of the side curtain, searching for Jensen in the crowd. He hated being so sneaky, but he couldn’t shake the curiosity of who the hell Jensen’s date was.

He spotted Jensen easily, sitting near the front, next to an aisle. What he didn’t spot, however, was Jensen’s mystery date. The seat next to Jensen was empty, though Jensen looked entirely focused on the play, not looking around for someone that was supposed to be there. Jared scowled. Perhaps the mystery man had gone to the bathroom? Becka, one of the girls that Jared helped at the center, tugged his sleeve.

“Jay, I need help fixing my makeup and Ryan is being an ass.”

Jared grinned at her. “Come on, Beck – I got you.” He led her back to the make-up area, Jensen’s missing man temporarily forgotten.

 

He was soon remembered, however, during another lull, shortly before the play finished. Jared peeked his head back out, spotting Jensen. Someone was sitting next to Jensen this time – a girl of about fourteen that Jared recognized as Becka’s girlfriend. Well _that_ wasn’t Jensen’s date.

 

When the play finished, Jared escaped from the clutches of his surprisingly affectionate teens and wormed his way through the crowd, spotting Jensen’s coat disappearing through the door. Jared chased after him. He caught up to him a few feet away from the crowd, grabbing his sleeve.

“Jen.”

Jensen turned around, grinning from ear to ear. “Your kids did amazing, Jared. You helped them build those sets?”

“Yeah, yeah, they’re a talented bunch.”

“No kidding. And they wrote the play?”

“Yeah, a group of ‘em wrote it but all of them had input on it.”

“Dude, that’s amazing. You’d better start inviting me to everyone of these kids’ plays, got it? I’ll make sure to get the time off work.”

Jared beamed, pride for the teens he’d worked so hard with swelling his chest a little. His smile drooped a little then. “But, I gotta ask—Didn’t you say you had a date?”

Jensen chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I uh—Don’t laugh at me?”

“You know I will,” Jared joked. Jensen laughed again.

“Uh, I—Kinda forgot to ask him.”

“You forgot to ask a guy you like out on a date?”

“Well, see he’s been _really_ busy at work and I’ve been trying to keep everything kinda relaxed so he’s not more stressed um… But it doesn’t matter anyways.”

“Why not?”

Jensen bit his lip, looking at his hands before meeting Jared’s gaze.

“Because I completely forgot that he’d be stuck backstage the whole night anyway, so it would’ve been silly to ask.”

Jared furrowed his brows, his eyes slitting. “Are you—Jensen—I’m the only guy you know that works here.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“But you don’t—What’s the punchline?”

Jensen shrugged, taking a step backwards. “Nothing, it was just—Look, I’m gonna head home so… We can talk when you get done here, okay?” He continued to walk backwards as he spoke, keeping his eyes on Jared.

Jared glanced to the side, his eyes widening.

“Jensen!” He shouted. He dove forward, grabbing Jensen’s coat and yanking forward. Jensen opened his mouth to protest as the both stumbled toward the sidewalk, the honking of the car that nearly hit him drowning out any words he was saying.

Jared managed to keep on his feet, catching Jensen so he wouldn’t face plant when he tripped over the curb as well. He looked down, out of breath. Jensen was pale, his eyes wide.

“Uh—I’d like to do that talking thing… Preferably not in a hospital. Or... At a grave,” Jared joked.

Jensen’s breath rushed out of his lungs and he punched Jared lightly in the side.

“Thanks, man.”

“What are friends for?” Jared joked. Jensen shook his head a little and righted himself, their chests still nearly touching.

“I, uh—“

“Shut up, Jared,” Jensen whispered. He grabbed Jared’s face and dragged him in for a kiss, not giving Jared a chance to protest.

Jared didn’t see fireworks, but he certainly saw white spots when Jensen kissed him for the first time. His first kiss—Twenty years and he was finally being kissed by the man of his dreams. Jensen’s lips were soft, dry from the cool winter air. Jared sighed against his mouth when Jensen’s tongue slipped over his bottom lip, asking permission. He gave it to him, his fingers tightening on Jensen’s coat.

Jensen pulled back first, his cheeks flushed pink. He smiled softly, running his thumb over Jared’s lip. “Go wrap things up with the other adults and your kiddos. I’m sure they wanna talk to you. I’ll be waiting for you at home.”

Jared huffed a laugh. “You—You got some explaining to do, Ackles.”

“I know. We’ll talk. I promise.”

“Don’t get hit,” Jared teased. Jensen laughed, taking a step back. He winked at Jared.

“See you soon, Jay,” he said before turning and heading down the street.

 

The apartment was quiet when Jared finally made it home, nearly half an hour later. He worried Jensen had already gone to bed. When he peeked into Jensen’s room, however, he had to smile. Jensen was stretched out on his bed in boxers and a t-shirt, headphones covering his ears as he flipped through a comic book. Jared walked in and grabbed his ankle, startling him.

“Ass!” Jensen cried, yanking off his headphones.

“Sorry I’m so late. Had to help clean up a little.”

“No problem.” Jensen wet his lips, looking about as nervous as Jared felt. “So.”

“So… You kissed me.”

“Yeah. That uh... That’s what I did.”

Jared looked down at the carpet, scuffing his foot along it. “I’m gonna get us some beers. We can sit and… Talk in the living room,” he said. Jensen nodded quickly, tossing his comic aside and jumping up.

“Good idea.”

Jared led the way out and grabbed a couple of bottles before sitting next to Jensen, nearly a foot of space between them. He passed over the bottle.

“So… Was it a thanks for saving my life kiss?”

“No. I—I’m stupid.”

“No disagreements here, Jen.”

Jensen tried to glare and Jared smiled a little. “But seriously—Why would you do that?”

“Because I like you.”

“No shit, we’re best friends.”

“No. I mean the ‘when I think about you naked my dick gets hard’ kind of like. And the ‘when I picture us wearing matching rings I get butterflies’ kind of like. Not just ‘the you’re my bestie’ kind of like.”

Jared looked over, shaking his head. “We’ve been friends for over _ten years_ , Jensen. I’m sorry but I find it pretty hard to believe in all that time you were lying about liking me.”

“I wasn’t. I didn’t see you that way when we were kids. Or teenagers. Or even really in college.”

“So when did you start suddenly seeing me as a possible fuck and not just a friend?”

Jensen grimaced. “It’s not like that—“

“Really? Cause it kinda feels that way, Jensen. Six months ago you screamed that I’d never be more than your friend. Three months ago you told me trying to kiss me was a mistake. And now you’ve been dry in the boyfriend area for that long and suddenly I’m who you have eyes for. I’m sorry but—I don’t buy it.”

Jensen closed his eyes, sighing softly. “You’re right. I got no right to ask you for anything. So I won’t. But I want you to know the truth.”

“What’s the truth then?” Jared asked softly. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it. Part of him wanted just to go to bed, sleep with the memory of how perfect Jensen tasted, how good their bodies felt pressed together – but that would never be enough.

Jensen cleared his throat. “When you were a Freshman and confessed that you’d been in love with me, I brushed it off. I figured it’d go away the older we got. But it kept coming back. Your words and your face and how passionate you sounded. Whenever I was having a tough time, or even a really good time—I’d think about what you said, and I’d think about how nice it’d be to have that. More than just friends, but as my lover. And my partner. To see you excited for my successes, to be excited for yours. To pick each other up. We have that… But it’s different. There’s just that _one_ thing that’s missing.”

“Sex?” Jared joked without humor.

“No. The admittance that we’re more than friends.”

Jared huffed, sipping his beer. He shook his head again. “So what, you’ve, what? Felt like this since I was a Freshman? Jesus, Jensen. You _knew_ my crush didn’t go away! How could you?” Jared didn’t want to get mad—but it stung.

“No, Jared it wasn’t like that. I kept pushing it back. I kept making excuses. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship in case a relationship went south.”

“So what’s changed? What makes our friendship worth less now than it was a year go? Than it was before you got with _Austin_?”

“It’s worth more,” Jensen whispered, hanging his head. “It’s worth so much more and I want to give you more. I knew I wanted to give you more that night you took me in after Austin and I broke up. But when you shoved me away I knew I needed to wait. I needed us both to be stable and happy and _good_. For a month, Jared. A month I’ve been trying to find a way to ask you out. To tell you all of this. Tonight seemed as good as any.” He looked back up at Jared and his eyes were shining with unshed tears.

“I fell in love with my best friend but I was scared to do anything about it. So I hurt him over and over with random boys. I let him put me back together over. And over. Because it felt nice. And it felt real—And it was safe. I couldn’t ruin our relationship if we only had a friendship.”

Jared searched Jensen’s face. He wanted to reach out and hug him, pull him close and whisper that it was okay, that he didn’t need to be afraid. But Jared was scared too. Jensen smiled weakly, sniffling.

“Look, I—“ He sighed softly. “I dumped this on you, and that wasn’t cool. I uh—We should maybe take a night. Figure it out?” Jensen asked softly.

Jared looked down. “We should take a night? Is it _we_ , Jensen? Or are you giving me an out?”

Jensen chuckled. “You know me too well. I don’t want to force you. And this is a lot. So yeah, it’s an out. It’s a promise that we can go back to just friends tomorrow morning if that’s what you want.”

“And if I don’t want?” Jared whispered.

“Well… You know where my room is.”

Jensen rose, grabbing his beer. He stood in front of Jared for a moment, staring hard at him. Jared looked up and Jensen smiled softly. He nodded once before heading down the hallway. Jared heard the door to his bedroom shut, echoing like a firecracker in their otherwise silent apartment.


	11. Sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter immediately follows the events of the last chapter: Winter.

It could possibly have been the worst decision of his adult life. Jared knew he was playing with fire, tempting fate. Jensen was his best friend. Had been for over a decade. To change that – to risk a relationship when things were going so well with a friendship – it was insane.

 

But it could be worth it. He had to try.

  
That was the mantra that Jared mentally repeated over and over as he pushed open the door to Jensen’s bedroom just as the sun was coming up over the horizon.

Jensen was sleeping on his side under his sheet, a light tan color with black pinstripes. His hair was sticking up in various directions, face nuzzled into his pillow. His comforter was kicked off the foot of the bed, crumpled like a sad guard dog. Jared leaned on the doorframe for a moment, just watching.

The morning sun was peeking through the half-closed shades, staining the entire room in a reddish-orange glow. Normally white walls, a clean, empty desk in the corner, a dresser with two framed photos and a hairbrush; the picture of maturity and minimalism. But Jared knew Jensen’s secret stash of comic books hidden under his bed, currently spilling out from where he’d been reading them before their ‘talk’. He knew about the false bottom in his third dresser drawer, housing an array of sex toys, porn movies, and magazines. He knew about the handful of condoms and bottles of lube tucked into the back of the drawer of Jensen’s nightstand. He knew all of his secrets - except the biggest one of all.

Steeling himself, Jared stepped forward, tugging his socks and jeans off. He stripped out of his shirt, and picked up the edge of the sheet.

“Please,” he whispered to no one in particular – a quiet prayer that this wouldn’t blow up in his face. Before he could come up with an excuse, Jared slid into bed behind Jensen, curling around his warm, sleep pliant body.

Jensen groaned softly, pushing back against Jared in his sleep, his body slowly tensing as he woke up fully.

“I made up my mind, Jensen,” Jared whispered before Jensen could panic about having a stranger in his bed. Jensen’s shoulder’s relaxed against his chest immediately.

“I can see that. Are you sure?”

Instead of answering, Jared began to kiss along Jensen’s freckled shoulder, trailing his fingers lightly down his side. Jensen rolled onto his back, looking up at Jared.

“Hey—You know, even if you made up your mind—You don’t have to jump into bed with me right away.”

Jared smiled, his tongue peeking out from between his teeth.

“Jen… I’m twenty-three… And I just got my first kiss tonight. I’ve been waiting long enough. So if _you’re_ okay with me jumping straight into bed with you—“

He slid his hand down Jensen’s stomach and gripped his cock through his boxers, giving it a gentle squeeze. Jensen’s hips jerked upward.

“Yep,” was all he said before Jared found himself on his back. Jensen was over him, biting and licking his throat and collarbone. He ground their hips together, cocks hardening eagerly at the prospect of finally doing what they’d been fighting for so long.

Jared couldn’t touch all the places he wanted to, no matter how hard he tried. Jensen’s mouth felt like it was everywhere, his hands gripping and squeezing just the right places to make Jared ache for more. He lifted his hips, letting Jensen tug his boxers down. Teeth clicking together, bitten lips – nothing compared to the burning pleasure of Jensen’s hand on his cock. His strong, firm grip, thumb teasing the precome slicked tip; Jared couldn’t help the shudder that raced down his spine, hips jerking helplessly.

“Jensen—“

“I got you, Jay. I promise,” Jensen whispered. Jared’s eyes fluttered open.

“Just overwhelmed,” Jared admitted.

“Do we need to stop?”

“No, please—Don’t—I just…” Jared chuckled. “I’ve never had another… This is all new,” he finally settled on, shrugging.

Jensen let go of his cock and rolled next to Jared.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No—You’re perfect, Jay but—You just made me realize something.”

“What?”

“You’ve never done any of this. With anyone. Answer me honestly – Were you waiting for _me_?”

Jared’s stomach did a little flip. He looked away, staring at the wall. Jensen’s hand was hot on his chest.

“Answer me.”

“At first, no,” Jared whispered. “At first I was just a loser. I mean—I still am, and there’s not too much interest in the rainbow haired freak. But I’ve turned down a few guys.”

“Why?”

Jared looked back to Jensen and shrugged. “Why would I live a lie? I knew who I was in love with – I’m not gonna pretend I like someone and just end up hurting him.”

Jensen grabbed Jared’s chin, turning his head so they were face to face. “You’re fucking perfect. I’ll make this good, Jared, I promise.”

Jared laughed, covering his mouth when Jensen pulled back, his eyebrows shooting up. “Uh—“

“Sorry, sorry,” Jared chuckled again. “Just—I almost came just from having your hand on my bare dick. I don’t think it’s a very tall order to make this good for me.”

Jensen laughed as well, nodding. “I guess you’re right… How about I go for mind blowing then?” He sat up and manhandled Jared onto his stomach, ignoring his confused grunts.

“Jens—“

“Shut up,” Jensen mumbled, settling between Jared’s thighs. He spread his ass and licked a stripe from Jared’s balls to his hole.

Jared shouted into the pillow, instinctively trying to wiggle away from Jensen’s mouth.

“Hey, hey—What’s wrong?” Jensen asked, pressing down on Jared’s hips to hold him still.

“You just –“ Jared whined softly, looking back at Jensen. A smile grew on his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes.

“You’re blushing.”

“You just tried to jab your tongue up my ass.”

“Are you—Oh shit.” Jensen’s smile faded. “I just assumed you wanted to bottom, shit—I’m sorry.”

“No, I do—I just—A little warning next time. I’m kinda ticklish,” Jared admitted.

Jensen sighed and Jared wiggled again, goosebumps popping up over the curve of his ass.

“How about this.” Jensen climbed off the bed and dug in his third drawer. Jared scowled, rolling onto his side to watch him.

“What’re you doing?”

“Trying to make you horny.”

“I am.”

“No. You think you are. I mean—You are, but—You’ll understand in a bit.” Jensen turned around, bottle of lube in hand. He crawled onto the bed and kissed Jared’s mouth. “Sit up and enjoy the show.”

“Show?”

Jensen smirked and grabbed one of his pillows, settling down on the other end of the bed. He pulled his boxers down and off, spreading his legs wide and letting them tangle with Jared’s.

Jared’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of Jensen’s cock. The last time he’d seen it was back when they were teenagers – and even then, it wasn’t hard. Now it was stiff and thick, curved to the left as it rested on Jensen’s stomach. His balls were clean shaven and tight, drawn close to his body. It gave Jared a perfect view of Jensen’s ass, the rim flexing in the cool morning air.

Jensen’s eyes were shut. He was running his hands over his chest, plucking his hard, rosy nipples and letting his short nails rake over the muscles under his skin. His legs were quivering, hips rolling like he was trying to get some sort of friction with the empty air.

“Jensen—“

Jensen moaned at Jared’s whisper, his back arching further off the bed. “Fuck me, Jared—Wanna feel that tight ass on my cock,” Jensen whined, palming himself. He grabbed the lube and poured some into his palm, slicking it over himself.

“That’s it—You can take me,” he whispered, making a loose fist and fucking up into it.

The wet squelch of the lube mixed with Jensen’s needy moans was almost enough to make Jared lose it right there. He slid his hand down between his thighs, rubbing lightly over his hole as he watched Jensen writhe on the bed.

Jensen’s eyes fluttered open and he smirked, his tongue darting out to wet his pink, swollen lips.

“Use the lube. Stretch yourself out.”

Jared nodded quickly. He crawled forward and snagged the bottle, leaning back against the headboard. Jensen had begun his show again, fisting his cock in lazy, tight strokes. His eyes were open now, blown black with lust as he watched Jared slick his fingers, running one around the edge of his entrance.

“Do you fuck yourself like this, Jay? Thinking about me inside you?”

Jared shivered, letting one finger slip inside. He nodded slowly.

“Don’t be embarrassed. It’s sexy. Tell me what you imagine.”

Jared swallowed hard, taking a shaky breath. If Jensen could do this so could he. He lazily pumped his finger, massaging and stretching his rim.

“You—You use you hands first. Your fingers. I love how thick they are so I imagine them inside me, stretching me…”

“How many?” Jensen asked, sitting up a little. He was still jerking himself, but his hand was barely touching now, just enough to tease.

“Start with one… Up to three by the time I’m ready for you. Course—Looking at you in real life I might need four,” Jared admitted and Jensen smirked.

“I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“I know. You always tell me that in my fantasies too. I’m always losing my virginity to you.”

“Keep going, Jared,” Jensen instructed, his voice soft, but rough with lust.

Jared licked his lips. He continued to explain his fantasies to Jensen, how rough or gentle he was, where they were, down to the things Jensen would whisper in his ear.

When Jared could easily slip four fingers into his ass, his hips grinding down on his hand, high, quiet moans slipping out between gasped confessions of fantasy, Jensen snapped. He lunged forward, capturing Jared’s mouth in a hard kiss. He pushed Jared’s hand out of the way, slipping three of his own lube-wet fingers in.

“Jen—“

“I got you,” Jensen whispered against his mouth.

“I trust you,” Jared mumbled. He let his hands rest on Jensen’s ass, his body going pliant under him.

Jensen pulled back after a moment, grabbing the lube again. “Get me a condom?”

Jared bit his lip. He reached out, opening the drawer and snagging one. Instead of passing it to Jensen, he twirled it between his fingers.

“Are—You clean?”

“What? Yeah, I’ve never gone without one. Why?”

“Will—I hate to ask but—Would you be willing to go bare?”

Jensen reached out and took the condom, pressing a kiss to Jared’s mouth. “It’s messy. Unless you want me to pull out before—“

“No, I—In me. I don’t care if it’s messy as long as you don’t.”

“You’re _sure_?”

Jared brushed his lips over Jensen’s. He grabbed his cock and gave it a firm stroke, earning a gasp from Jensen.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything, man… I’ve been waiting for you for years.”

Jensen smiled sadly. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“Just gonna have to make up for lost time. Starting right now.” Jared guided Jensen toward his entrance.

They both gasped, gazes locked as Jensen pressed in, Jared’s relaxed rim stretching and giving easily to his intrusion.

Jensen dropped his head, his forehead landing on Jared’s shoulder. He continued to push in, slow and steady.

Jared wrapped his legs around Jensen, sighing softly when Jensen's balls pressed against his ass. He was being split wider than he'd ever tried, and Jensen's cock was filling every inch of space. 

Jensen was panting on his shoulder, hot breath tickling his sweat dampened skin.

"Gonna move, Jen?"

"Yeah just-- Gimme a minute. You're so Fucking tight, I-- I'm not gonna last."

Jared smirked a little. He slid his hand up Jensen's back, clenching his ass just to hear Jensen whimper.

"I'm already close. I've never had more than fingers inside me-- you're so big. Wanted to make sure I was a tight virgin when you finally took me."

Jensen ground his hips down, pressing deeper into Jared. He lifted himself up, one hand on either side of Jared's head. 

"Not a virgin anymore," as he spoke, Jensen began to pump lazily into Jared, focusing more on keeping him relaxed than on chasing his own release, it seemed.

Jared swallowed hard. Everything hit him at once. Jensen - his best friend since childhood - was on top of him, was balls deep _inside_ of him. 

He gave a quiet moan, bringing one leg up and resting it on Jensen's shoulder. Jensen smirked, dragging his hand down Jared's thigh as he thrusted.

"So flexible.  Can't wait to see what positions I can put you into."

Jared's eyes rolled back in his head. "Can try out all of 'em tomorrow, oh Jensen!"

He grabbed Jensen's ass, grinding his hips downward.

"Found what I was looking for," Jensen teased. He began to pick up his pace, cock sliding directly against Jared's sensitive prostate. 

Jared writhed under him, his head thrown back in a loud moan.

"Please-- Harder," he finally panted.

"Yeah?" Jensen teased, slowing his hips down. Jared whined, digging his short nails into his ass.

"I swear I'll just start riding you," he threatened.

Jensen drove deep, stilling his hips. He leaned down, letting Jared's legs fall back to the bed.

"Do you know how nice that sounds, Jay?" He murmured against Jared's ear. He could barely hear him over the blood rushing, but held tighter as he spoke.

"You bouncing on my lap, pretty throat bared. How nice it'd feel when your long, thick cock slapped my stomach?"

He reached between them and squeezed Jared's cock just as he pulled out and slid back in slowly. 

"Jensen--" Jared shook his head, overwhelmed.

"Ever come untouched, Jay?"

"N--Not awake."

"Let’s see if you can do it for me.”

Jensen lifted himself up a little. He winked at Jared before picking up his pace, driving hard and fast into him.

Jared screamed, tossing his head back. He wrapped his legs around Jensen’s hips, letting his fingers dig into the meat of his shoulders. Jensen’s cock throbbed hard inside Jared each time he moaned openly, begging Jensen to go harder, faster, deeper. He knew, from past conversations that Jensen had mentioned liking loud bed partners – he was glad to know that information now. The bed creaked under their combined weight, a steady thudding of the headboard against the wall completing the downright pornographic noises of the room.

Jared’s cock ached, pressed between their sweat slicked stomachs as Jensen moved. His balls drew tight to his body, stomach twisting as the muscles in his groin tensed.   
“Fuck—Jensen, I’m gonna come—“ Jared tried to warn. Jensen huffed softly, shaking sweat out of his eyes. He leaned down, pressing their lips together as he sped up once more.

Jared screamed into his mouth, his back arching up off the bed as he came – untouched as promised. His cock jerked, spilling ropes of come between their stomachs and up onto his chest. He could feel his ass clamping down on Jensen’s cock, making him feel so much bigger.

Jensen grunted softly. His body was quivering under Jared’s touch, hips jerking out of rhythm as he drew closer.

“Come on, Jen—Come for me,” Jared whispered against his ear, sliding his hand down to squeeze Jensen’s ass. He let his fingers drift over to his hole, pressing against it. Jensen swore into Jared’s neck. He thrust three more times, hard and deep before his body went stiff, almost deadweight on top of Jared. He could hear Jensen huffing quietly in time to the steady throbs of his cock, and the rush of come filling him.

Jared sighed contentedly as the muscles in his body all seemed to release, his orgasm fading slowly. Above him, Jensen was shifting as well, pressing lazy kisses over his sweat slicked shoulder.

Jensen pulled out carefully, flopping next to Jared. “I didn’t hurt you, right?” He worried.

“No.” Jared rolled to his side, smiling a little at the loose, relaxed feeling in his ass. He could definitely get used to that. He let his head rest lightly on Jensen’s chest, hearing his heartbeat slow to a steady beat.

“That was amazing, Jared… No regrets?”

Jared chuckled. He looked up at Jensen, his smile growing when their gazes locked. “How could I? When I’ve wanted that for so long?”

“Well, that and you just lost your virginity to a sex god,” Jensen teased, laughing when Jared punched him in the arm.

“We should shower,” Jared mumbled, cuddling back up to Jensen’s side.

“Don’t wanna,” Jensen grumbled, slinging his arm over his eyes.

“But we’re gonna be gross in the morning.”

“I’ll be gross with you. Plus, who’s gonna see?”

Jared sighed softly, a patient smile on his face.

“You know…”

Jensen peeked out from under his arm, and Jared could see one eyebrow cocked. “What?” He asked cautiously.

“You just took my virginity. And gave me my first kiss.”

“All in one night, that’s gotta be a record,” Jensen joked.

“Probably, even for the sex god. Only thing I’m missing is watching you get ridden hard too.” Jared teased.

“Tomorrow, okay?” Jensen offered.

“Really?”

He nodded, shrugging. “Don’t see why not. Let you experience both sides of sex… But what were you getting at anyway, about experiencing stuff?”

Jared smirked. “I still haven’t been on a real date.”

Jensen chuckled. “Well I’m not taking you out right now, we’re both exhausted. But how about a breakfast date? Or lunch – because I know we’ll both sleep until one. I’ll take you to that cute diner downtown you like so much.”

Jared’s eyes widened a little. “No way—Really?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, I’m—Me.”

“Jared Padalecki?”

Jared scowled a little, throwing Jensen a bitchy glare. “No, jackass. I’m _me_. I’m kind of a freak. And you’re you. You’re well known around here and—“

“And you’re my boyfriend now, right? I mean—This wasn’t just a one-time thing, Jared. I meant what I said on the couch about a relationship. I’m not gonna hide my boyfriend just because he’s my best friend and has funny hair and tattoos.”

“Jensen—“ Jared sighed softly, his lungs feeling a little too tight to hold the air he needed to keep from passing out. Jensen had always been kind to him, unafraid of their friendship even when others sneered. But this was different. Hearing Jensen talk about it so flippantly—

Jared slid up, pressing a hard kiss to Jensen’s mouth. He pulled back, his cheeks beginning to ache with the size of his grin.

“You’re the most perfect person I’ve ever met. As my best friend and as my boyfriend – Boyfriend…” He breathed the word, shaking his head. “I don’t know what to say.”

Jensen’s smile was gentle. He brushed back the shaggy blue bangs falling over Jared’s eyes and kissed him again, softer this time.

“Just say goodnight, Jared. Goodnight and we’ll talk more on our date tomorrow, huh?”

Jared nodded, letting Jensen pull him back into a lying position.

“Goodnight, Jay.”

“Goodnight, sex god.”

Jared dozed off to the sound of Jensen’s quiet laughter, more content than he’d felt in years.


	12. Epilogue: Christmas Day

“Are you _sure_ you wanna tell your parents so soon?” Jared worried again. “I mean it’s only been a week.”

“And we’ve been best friends for _years_ , Jared. They’re gonna want to know. Why are you so freaked about this, anyway? My parents love you,” Jensen assured him, pulling into the driveway of his childhood home.

“Well _my_ parents are gonna be there too.”

“And they love me. And you can’t tell me they didn’t know you had a crush on me.”

“They did, but--“

“So nothing to worry about.”

Jensen pulled the keys from the ignition and leaned over, pulled Jared into a kiss before he could argue further.

“Just get the presents, and we’ll go inside, okay? I promise if it goes south, we will make a fast exit. You know I can run.”

“Yeah, yeah Mr. Track Star,” Jared teased, climbing out of the car and opening the backseat.

“Oh, it’s Mr. Track Star now, what happened to Mr. Sex God?” Jensen asked as he got out as well.

Jared nearly banged his head on the roof of the car. “Jensen!”

“Oh calm down, they can’t hear us out here. You’re blushing.”

Jared felt his cheeks heat further and tried to hide in the folds of his scarf. Jensen laughed, coming around the car. He pushed the scarf down and held Jared’s face in his hands.

“I promise. We’ll be fine, Jared. Trust me?”

“I always trust you, Jensen. You don’t even have to ask that.”

Jensen kissed him softly. “Then trust me now. They deserve to know. And I told you I’m not hiding you. No matter how many crazy colors you make me put in your hair.”

Jared laughed, rolling his eyes up. He could see a puff of deep evergreen peeking out from his beanie, but knew underneath it was so much more – he and Jensen had stayed up almost the whole night dying his hair for Christmas.

He looked back to Jensen and nodded, taking a deep, steadying breath. “Okay. I trust you. We got this.”

Jensen nodded and grabbed the presents, shoving a few into Jared’s arms and balancing some in his own before kicking the car door shut.

As they approached the front door of the Ackles home, it flew open. Jared’s mom stood in the doorway, a bright grin on her face.

“You two better hope you’ve been dating for less than a month, or I’ll throw you both into the pool, Christmas or not, for not telling us the news.”

Jared stopped at the steps, his cheeks burning once again. Jensen began to laugh. “Surprise. Merry Christmas, Mrs. Padalecki.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Just get inside. I’m sure you boys have a great story to tell us,” she said, stepping aside to let the boys into the house.

Jared followed after Jensen. When Jensen looked back, flashing him that movie star smile, he realized that sometimes good things had to end, but they made way for an even better future.


End file.
